Why Not?

I recently walked by a woman leisurely reading a pop-culture magazine as she gently sat in a white wicker rocker moving slowly back and forward. It was on a particularly hot afternoon during the July heat wave. It wouldn’t have been something to even note except for the fact that this scene took place in an outdoor furniture display area at the supermarket Stop and Shop. Her shopping cart was patiently parked about a foot away in recess from the initial task at hand. The scene caused me to grin and I next stopped to congratulate her on her brilliance. With the heat it made perfect sense to spend some time reading in an air conditioned setting. She explained that as she walked by pushing her groceries the display looked so inviting that she thought, “Why not?” I was inspired by several elements of this scenario. First, that she was able to be so in the moment that she temporarily divorced herself from the task of grocery shopping to indulge in some rest and relaxation. Second, she gave herself something she needed and wanted without stopping with excuses as to why she shouldn’t go forward with it. Third, she didn’t care where she was, who saw her or how it might look. She followed her feelings, took care of herself and reveled in self-care in a way that was with effort, yet effortless. The episode was the ultimate example in the FUN of self-care. Not everything needs to be planned out and orchestrated to the ninth degree. Bravo to being present, indulging in some rest and relaxation and just stopping long enough to be a human being instead of a human doing . After all….why not?!

A whole different world right in front of my (our?) eyes

A few weeks back I was out of town visiting friends. I awoke before them and, although I’m a tea drinker in the morning, I wanted to make coffee for them so it would be ready when they got up. I looked in, what I believed to be, all the usual spots where people might store coffee: the cupboard above where the coffee maker sat, the cabinet underneath, the refrigerator and the freezer. Feeling perplexed I then, I thought, very systematically, looked in every kitchen orifice I could find searching for anything that resembled coffee. I wasn’t dramatic. I felt I was being present and thoughtful—both in the endeavor at hand and in my intention. I failed at the task at but decided to relax in the semi-confusion of it. I let it go. About an hour later when my dear friend awoke and I found her in the kitchen—making coffee, I told her that I had wanted to prepare it but failed to find where they stored the coffee. She just looked at me in the way she has since we were both 13 years old and I told her that the only way I was allowed to go out and watch the 8th grade basketball game (a very cool thing to do when you are in the 8th grade, by the way) is if my father attended with me. (Not so cool, in case you were wondering.) I guess the look is a combination of compassion, incredulousness and semi-shock. Then she responded to me that the coffee was stored directly next to the coffee maker, in a tall, white canister that is (clearly) marked with the word: COFFEE. Things like this happen to me more than I’d like to admit. I tend to be better at the challenging, not-so-right-in-front-of-my-eyes stuff than, well, the obvious. For years I’d beat myself, get immersed in the embarrassment and laugh it off with others, but deep inside actually feel shame sprinkled with some anger toward self, and humiliation too. The practice of ahimsa—Sanskrit for non-violence-is the part of my yoga practice that has provided me with the biggest shift, because it’s the biggest challenge. It starts with non-violence toward self. Just like trying to find the stash of coffee, being really kind to myself and having compassion around learning me—what makes me tic and currently do things as I do them—might be right in front of me but seemingly beyond my grasp. While I would immediately want to relieve the suffering of someone else, I would marinate in my own angst over something I did or didn’t do…for hours and days. Through my practice , I slowly learn there is room for all the feelings to process through and even some room left over to hone the gift of my own sense of humor, allowing me to laugh over me and what’s obviously right in front of my eyes…that sometimes I just can’t easily see. I learn my own true nature circumspectly, and that’s okay. Everyone has at least one story, just like mine. And I know from the work that I do that many are also not so kind to themselves as they maneuver through a situation. In the Yoga Sutras of Pantanjali, he writes in the second chapter, sutra 35: “In the presence of one firmly established in non-violence, all hostilities cease.” If each and every one of us started to be kinder and gentler with just ourselves right now, what might the world feel like a month, year and decade from now? Is a whole different world right in front of our eyes…there for the taking, with jut a little more humanity to and for ourselves? An extraordinary and non-rhetorical question to discuss with further practice.

Sufferin' Succotash

I pushed the wrong button on my TV remote recently and the screen went haywire. I lost the signal, couldn’t get the screen to stop jumping or the snow to leave the monitor. So I turned off the set. A few days later I turned the television back on and the problem was still there. A few hours after that I tried again, thinking that the situation was going to change from the minimal and repetitive action I was taking. It didn’t.

As I mused about this later I found humor in both my level of denial and the fact that even though I intellectually knew that I was going to have to do something different in order to get a different result I kept hoping the problem would rectify itself with, well, the push of a button. (And believe me I pushed every one of them on the remote and within me.)

To see my own pattern of behavior is a good start. But the bigger question that comes to mind is how long does one have to live and play in suffering before you really do something about it?

I pondered this as I raced to the train station for the third time in as many weeks. The train I often take to Manhattan was changed to a 10 minute earlier arrival time. I needed to do something different in order to not miss the train. For those first three tries, I attempted: driving faster, running over to the track once I parked the car, and stressing out considerably. In addition to this doing nothing for my adrenal glands, the train pulled away from the station without me.

As I sat in the depot, waiting for the next Amtrak coach I thought of an Einstein quote noting the definition of insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Then, what came to mind as I began writing this post is a teaching in the Yoga Sutras of Pantanjali, that has to do with avoiding pain that has not yet come. Basically, the choices that we make for ourselves can have some effect over whether we are in a state of happiness or suffering.

Well, I had demonstrated the suffering mode over the course of nearly a month with the train and over a week with the television. Then one night as I was setting my alarm thinking about the dreaded race to the tracks the next morning it dawned on me that what I hadn’t yet tried was setting my alarm 15 minutes earlier. In that true Thomas Edison light bulb moment I avoided pain that had not yet come. I caught the train and let go of the suffering. And like what happened when I (finally) called my TV satellite provider and they walked me through the necessary steps, I re-booted my system to create a shift.

So, as we are still in the month of January, here’s to a new year of new shifts!

Shopping Time

Not being a “shopper” when a friend asked me to go with her recently when she wanted to get a bathing suit I was intrigued. You see, it was during the first week of August and we were in Manhattan.

Even without the shopping gene I knew from years of living in the Big Apple that when you go for retail therapy in August it is not bathing suits that you find gracing the clothing racks, it is sweaters, in autumn hues.

However, I am a huge believer in possibility. So, I happily followed along excited to see what we might find. As we stepped into the retail outlet my eyes immediately went to the large round table with the orange, taupe and brown sweaters on it, stacked in all their “Fall-will-be-here-in-a-heartbeat-glory.”

My friend, unmoved by the cool-weather fare surrounding us, sweetly asked the shop clerk if there were any bathing suits she could look at. He said no. They were gone now. Never mind that it was mid-way between Fourth of July and Labor Day, 80 some-odd degrees and sun blazing outside. If she wanted to look at bathing suits they could be viewed on line. Ah, on line where you can literally, virtually find anything at any time.

Now my bone to pick with real time and how it relates to retail time is not news. It’s something I’ve written on, well, time and time again. While I love that it’s easy enough to go on line and purchase a bathing suit it is still a wonder to me why they can’t hang around the stores until Labor Day. Really, they don’t take up half the space of the sweaters.

In a true practice of mindfulness we stay in each moment because, really, that is all that is. To think toward the rust-colored turtleneck then has my mind move to the fall wellness programs I haven’t yet chosen dates to run; the time when my flip flops will need to be placed in the back of the closet, and, well, soup, among other things that begin to swim through my head. Not the kind of swimming I want to be doing during the first week of August.

Do I really believe that the decision makers who wheel away the bikinis, tankinis, halter and strapless one-pieces will suddenly do an about face and keep the beach attire around with the outdoor furniture, citronella candles and grill utensils? Well, maybe. Hey, I said I believe in possibility back in the beginning. So, I’m putting it out there into the cosmos for some others to ponder too. I’m also making the commitment to keep present within myself noting the pleasure of walking barefoot in the grass, floating in a pool and reading outside among the sounds of the cicadas—all because it is August. Being in the moment during the moment will make summer last just a little bit longer. THAT I’ll buy.

Everything Yoga

When I took my first yoga class—over 20 years ago!-there were no tag names to the classes. No Vinyasa Flow, Restorative, Beginner, Open, etc. It was just called: Yoga. And you walked in, no matter what “level” you were and you just got on the mat and began practicing. There wasn’t any fanfare. Heck, there weren’t even any props except for the infamous sticky mat.

The beauty of yoga back then is that you quickly came to understand that it was all about your own practice, not the person on the next mat. It was easy to not compete! The person next to me was inverted faster than I was able to move out of my last pose and see what everyone was doing as a follow-up. Compete? It was all I could do to not sit and gawk, mouth ajar. There was no way to feel this because I was too busy feeling other things as I learned to maneuver the language. Oh, and I’m not even talking Sanskrit. Following the English took a few classes. Downward Dog? Cat/Cow? Baby Cobra? Hmmm……what is the deal with all the animal poses?

Yes, yoga brings up many questions. It also provides answers, sets up shop as a sanctuary, offers an ability to better know and be true to thy self. Yoga offers challenge. It creates space. It shares community. It is heart-opening. It is breath-taking and breath-providing. Yoga is joy. Yoga is healing. Yoga stretches, flexes, holds and releases. Through its’ eight limbs it offers an opportunity to shed, gain, understand, accept and radiate--among many other things that are both simple and not, yet always divine.

Now if anyone had provided me with the soliloquy of that last paragraph as I debated stepping into the studio for that very first class…..well, I may not have ever gotten there! However you are always where you are supposed to be. And since that maiden voyage I’ve had the opportunity to practice in many places.

While practicing in India was, I suppose, predictable, taking a yoga class in Lisbon was an adventure and a delight. Not able to speak Portuguese I copied down the address of the studio and had the hotel concierge arranged a reservation for the class. Upon my arrival I was escorted into the owners’ private back office, offered a seat on a beautiful sofa and provided with a cup of tea. When a co-owner came to greet me, we were both confused. She couldn’t understand why I—an American on holiday-wanted to take a class at her humble, neighborhood studio. I couldn’t understand why I was getting VIP treatment for a lunch time, weekday yoga class. It was a highlight of my trip. So, yes, yoga can take you to new places!

The road to yoga is long and winding—if I may borrow from John Lennon. Two years ago that wondrous little voice inside me (that I sometimes don’t hear/listen to as well as I’d like ) spoke loud and clear that I was going to be teaching this practice that I had come to revere. I am now clear that my journey both teaching and learning yoga will be life-long. Hmmmm….perhaps longer.

For the person ready to take those first steps on to the mat I would easily provide the same directive that I now give to my students when setting the foundation of any pose. Ground yourself evenly, check your alignment and remember to breathe. Good words on and off the mat.

Meditation

The alarm goes off at 5 AM, but I’m actually awake a few minutes before it. I paddle around the house in the dark in my pajamas trying, hard, to not do too many things first. The goal is to sit in meditation sooner rather than later. Some days though, the call of e mail and the checking of text messages on my phone finds me walking past my sitting area, candles on my altar unlit.

Maybe I’ll make some tea first and read….no hot chocolate. Hot chocolate! What is the weather? The computer knows. And from there it is a click on Facebook and People.com only to find that 30 minutes or more have already elapsed.

Meditation. Yes...…meditation. I walk back into my room and light two candles Then…my seat? No, I make the bed, pet the dog, brush my teeth, put my contact lenses in, brush my hair and change into gym/walking the dog clothes. More time has passed. How is it that I’ve been awake and up for more than an hour already? How is it that I’ve been so “busy” and it is barely 6 AM? Why is my mind so very equally quick and inquisitive, thoughts running at the speed of a car fast moving on a parkway?

Sit. All you have to do is sit. I oblige, setting the timer for 30 minutes. My back straight, legs crossed in a half lotus pose, fingers in a grounding mudra I begin to breathe, watching my breath go in and out in a long, deep fluid motion . Then I notice it. My head is itchy. My head is so very itchy that it is all I can do to not reach up and smack the top side with high force and great speed. Wait, I’m no longer focused upon my breath…now it is all about the prickly feeling that I simply want to scratch…s-c-r-a-t-c-h…..SCRATCH. I don’t.

I breathe and begin to add mantra to the breath to take my mind off….everything. All else that is rivaling me to lunatic proportions of distraction. Ah, wait….it’s working. Is it working? Am I one with my breath? Has my mind subsided? No, there it is again. What does the day look like? It will be a good one. I look forward to walking the dog. We can go more than two miles today. Troy will like that. What was the temperature? I forget. If it is below 30 degrees I’ll put his lighter coat on him.

Wait…..follow my breath…inhale through my nose. Exhale through my nose. Deep, long, fluid breaths. Ah, there is that itch again. Wait the dog is up. He is standing in front of my face breathing on me. Can I follow his breath? We didn’t brush his teeth last night. We need to do that today. Inhale, two, three, four, five….exhale two, three, four, five….inhale two, three, wait…the timer’s going off? Already? How did 30 minutes go by so very quickly?

I stand. The end. Or, really... the beginning.

It's beginning to look alot like.....

On the morning of Election Day I was taking my Rhodesian Ridgeback mix, Troy, on our daily two-or-so mile walk. I took a different road as a change of pace. As we passed one home I did a double take in a combination of disbelief and confusion. There, in a window, I saw a brightly lit Christmas tree. A CHRISTMAS TREE. At the time it was November 2. As if to color in the point further, later that night I was driving past a property that had a huge pine tree covered with multi-colored holiday twinkle lights. It was STILL November 2. Then in a few days, as a seal to the deal, I was flipping through radio stations and there it was. Bruce Springsteen singing, "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." Really? Much as I love to hear the Boss sing anything we had not yet left the first week in November, folks. What was the rush?!?!

I admit that my reaction was and continues to be a bit Grinch-like. It's a combination of things. First, as someone who tries to live free and in the moment, tangible reminders that the mainstream flow averages a few weeks ahead makes me frustrated. When I attempt to let go some, and not have a relationship to it, I find I'm still holding on and a wave of sadness washes over me. Sigh.

How about a focus on the time at hand? Thanksgiving=a national celebration around gratitude. Collectively, if everyone centered in on this element I can only imagine the co-created effect. I believe that reverberation to be extraordinary.

So here is my Thanksgiving wish upon a star. Take a few moments to stop and actually smell the evergreen tree. Stand in the appreciation of all in this very nano-second. THAT becomes the gift.....not those things purchased and wrapped and delivered and generally stressed over for one reason or another. Showing up in each moment is the present. Literally!